Civil War: Video Games Edition

Captain America: Civil War releases in theaters this week, and early reports show it’s going to perform well at the box office (also: water is wet). And hey, why shouldn’t it? Civil War is one of the most popular comic events of the past few years, and seeing conflict among characters that once were united is interesting. It lends an air of humanity to these people, shows their complexity, and speaks to how our differences can easily divide us. The bonus of all that, of course, is seeing super powered humans punch each other and exchange witty banter.

They may not have the same box office draw as Marvel or DC at the moment, but the massive roster of lovable characters from different video game franchises leave room for their own Civil War-style conflicts. Just for fun, let’s imagine how some of those scenarios might go down. And hey, visit the Chatty to leave us with some of your own Civil War imaginings!

Mario vs. Luigi

Mario this, Mario that. Mario’s name and likeness are basically synonymous with the name Nintendo, and because of that, he’s become a character who has more international recognition than Disney’s Mickey Mouse.

His ego, presence, and penchant for following the same naming convention as Batman definitely have to irritate the other characters in the Mario universe, right?

Particularly with his brother, Luigi. No matter what Luigi does, he’ll never get the same amount of credit as Mario. Sure, he’ll get a handful of his own adventures, and even a year named after him, but nobody’s rushing out to buy Luigi Kart, Luigi Golf, or Luigi Party. That stuff is all saved for his squat, red-wearing brother.

I’d like to imagine Luigi finally gets fed up with this and confronts Mario about it. When Mario reacts negatively to Luigi’s concerns, characters within the Mushroom Kingdom begin to divide and unite alongside the brothers they side with ideologically. Tensions rise, feelings are hurt, and – BAM – you have a killer sequel to Super Smash Bros. in the making.

Mass Effect

Cerberus may have been a reluctant hero for the galaxy, but that doesn’t guarantee the organization a free pass. Once the Reaper threat is eliminated and the galaxy is beginning to reorganize into a relative version of its former state, there are bound to be people who begin to probe into Cerberus’ activities pre-Reaper invasion and start to uncover their efforts to fight for (literal) human rights through morally questionable means.

The Lazarus Project in particular is bound to toss up red flags, since it involves the use of science to essentially reanimate the dead. Politicians and citizens who believe in more of a religious or logical approach would likely take umbrage with such a prospect and argue these sorts of actions cannot be tolerated, lest others start to join in on raising the dead and using terrorism to spread an agenda.

On the other side, there will be people who will call for their pardons, arguing that Cerberus’ efforts are what finally rid the galaxy of the ever-present Reaper threat, and they deserve to be rewarded. Or, at the very least, pardoned. Given enough incubation and fuel, this would become a hot debate with the potential of breaking into an actual war. Which isn’t great, but wouldn’t be the first time a war broke out over a complex issue.

Animal Crossing

Making Tom Nook a raccoon was a stroke of genius, because it tells you everything you need to know about him. He’s greedy, sly, conniving, takes what he wants, and isn’t afraid to dip into legal gray territory to guarantee he’ll have a pile of bells to welcome him home.

He’s also basically the only game in town, with the largest selection of items, multiple business holdings, and a neat system of locking new townspeople into indentured servitude by giving them a home and demanding they work in his shop to pay it off.

Eventually, the townspeople have to get sick of this. In an effort to shut him down, they’ll band together and launch a campaign made up of passive-aggressive letters, hands-holding and chanting outside his store entrance, protesting,  and maybe even being bold enough to refuse paying their mortgage for the month.

Either way, it won’t really matter. We all know it’s only a matter of time until Nook gets carted away for tax evasion.

Saints Row

The ending of Saints Row IV leaves everyone in a tenuous situation of figuring out how to rebuild in their post-alien lives. And because the Saints are a group made up of very strong-willed and different personalities, it’s likely arguments over how to proceed will cause a rift to form between members of the gang.

Perhaps Pierce suggests he’d make a better leader, which is then backed up by people like Kinzie, Matt Miller, and the infamous Zimos. Arguing for the Boss’ hard work in defeating aliens using superpowers and an advanced artificial world, Shaundi, Oleg, and Johnny Gat side with the original leader. The result? Tensions run high, things are said, and infighting breaks out between the gang members. People fight. Arguments ensue. People are attacked with dildo bats.

Pokémon

It’s filled with adorable little creatures and a fun battle system, but peel back some of its layers and you’ll see Pokémon become something a bit…darker. The idea of making animals fight each other is not necessarily the most upright, and it’s only made worse when you consider how trainers capture wild creatures, contain them, and put them in violent situations with or without their consent.

Imagine if Professor Oak finally spoke out against this, condemning the act for its cruelty. He’s a prominent Pokémon scholar, and his words would likely garner attention from big media outlets, which would then in turn cause a discussion to start within the Pokémon world.

Being that Pokémon battles are a highly politicized idea and the major backbone of many major businesses, Oak could easily be drawn into big legal battles, corporate intimidation, and even face possible threats of violence. Sponsored studies would be released to counter his statements, lobbying would take place in the background of prominent political circles, and arguments would be waged in online forums and social media. Meanwhile, Oak continues his crusade for Pokémon battle reform to make things more creature-friendly. Given the relationship science and politics have in our world, this doesn’t seem all that far-fetched of a scenario.