Shack Chat: Which video game character would write the best diss track?

The beef between Kendrick and Drake has been the stuff of legends, mostly because of Kendrick cooking Drake with utmost lyrical efficiency. It’s led to no lack of conversations and memes throughout the Internet, as well as parodies of other people and characters roasting other people and characters. That got us thinking: Which video game character would do the same? Who is cocky, talented, and vindictive enough to lyrically blast someone best in a scathing diss track? Here are our picks.

Question: Which video game character would write the best diss track?

MC Blingtron - Ozzie Mejia, Senior Funkmaster

Hearthstone has shown great reverence to all things World of Warcraft and that includes the Blingtrons. The Blingtron 3000 first found its way into Hearthstone way back during the game's infancy with the Goblins vs. Gnomes expansion. For last year's Festival of Legends expansion, the Blingtron 3000 evolved into a rap machine, programmed to lay down sick rhymes as soon as the beat drops. Now, as MC Blingtron, it's capable of dissing orcs and humans alike with ruthless efficiency. Its algorithm also allows it to drop diss tracks about as often as Kendrick Lamar, to boot.

MC Blingtron is not a Drake fan, whether it's Twilight Drake, Azure Drake, or Primordial Drake.

Jamie from Street Fighter 6  - TJ Denzer, Senior News Editor

One of the newer characters to come out of Street Fighter 6, Jamie is cocky to say the least, and he gets loose and sharper as he gets deeper into his “special herbal drink”. He also doesn’t seem to have even the slightest issue with telling anyone what he thinks of them. Put all of that together with a street mentality and family like Yun and Yang backing him up and I feel Jamie would absolutely roast a dude in a diss track if they brushed his fur backwards.

ICE-T from Def Jam: Fight for NY - Asif Khan, Shacknews CEO/EIC/EIEIO

While the modern-day ICE-T may be above rap beefs, I believe the playable character from Def Jam: Fight for NY would be a formidable opponent in any diss track or battle scenario. He is a technician when it comes to hating, be it on TV, in games, or even on the big screen. ICE-T is an OG and would wipe the floor with most modern-day rappers, which is why he doesn’t have to lower himself to diss tracks in 2024. And no one else is crazy enough to step to the OG.

Hancock from Fallout 4 - Bill Lavoy, Mod Main

Since I’m playing so much Fallout 4 right now, I’m going with someone who I think would have some real chops when it comes to a diss track. Hancock seems like he’s got the personality for it, especially when you consider that he’s seen and done some things that will give him a unique insight most folks can’t compete with. Hancock is also dressed for the part, which I appreciate.

Wesker - Dennis White Jr., Community Manager

While I feel like the most obvious answer would be Method Man in Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style, I thought it would be more interesting to think about actual characters from legendary gaming IPs. PaRappa the Rapper has the skills but lacks the hatred to create a legendary diss track. So, who’s one of the biggest haters? My answer is Wesker. The guy has been hating on S.T.A.R.S. Team for decades now and especially has enough ongoing beef with Chris Redfield. I know he could put together a solid 16 bars about being the real G with the G-Virus. The punchlines are right there, just like Chris punching boulders. He’s got some solid style and I’m sure he could get some undead or a mind-controlled Jill valentine to pop lock and drop it in a music video.

Ryme - Donovan Erskine, PokeRapper

Ryme, the Ghost-Type Gym Leader in Pokemon Scarlet and Violet, is an actual in-game rapper who you battle on a stage. Everything she says is a rhyme, and she refers to herself as the MC of RIP. She’s essentially the closest approximation to Missy Elliot in the Pokemon universe. I think she could lay down some solid bars tearing apart the other gym leaders, or maybe some local trainers. There are more than a thousands of Pokemon and hundreds of characters and stories to dive into. She’s got endless material!

Wario and Waluigi - Steve Tyminski, Stevetendo show host, Wario, Number 1

What video game character would write the best diss track? I’m going with Wario for my answer. Wario is a big guy who thinks about who he is. He thinks that he’s the best around and no one is better than him. Everything Wario does, he thinks he’s the best so why wouldn’t he put his all into a diss track. Wario could have a collaboration with Waluigi. Waluigi is the king of telling folks to suck it so that would be perfect for a diss track. There are things that Wario does that would make him the target of other diss track like eating garlic and generally being annoying. Wario, with some help from Waluigi, is my answer for the character that could write the best diss track. It’s Wario, he’s gonna win!

And there you have it. Those are our picks for best video game diss track writer. Who are yours? Sound off in the Chatty below!

Shack Staff

Shack Staff stories are a collective effort with multiple staff members contributing. Many of our lists often involve entires from several editors, and our weekly Shack Chat is something we all contribute to as a group.