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Stormy Daniels says President Trump's junk resembles "mushroom character in Mario Kart"

The adult actress described the president's private parts in her tell-all book. Apparently it's not a Bowser in his trousers.

Asif Khan

September 18, 2018 6:00 AM

AP

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The United States of America finds itself in very interesting times. In a tell-all book about her relationship with President Donald Trump, adult star Stormy Daniels used some very colorful language to describe the president's private parts. She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels continued. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool." Daniels chose one of the most adorable characters in the history of video games to aid in her vivid description.

via GIPHY

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart..." Daniels' book Full Disclosure was obtained by The Guardian, who broke this disturbing story for fans of Mario Kart.

We can be sure that the president will have something to say about this on Twitter, but in the meantime America could probably use a long shower or a cup of Ovaltine. We can only hope to erase this image from our memories before playing one of the iconic, family-friendly Mario video games again. 

Asif Khan

CEO/EIC/EIEIO

Asif Khan is the CEO, EIC, and majority shareholder of Shacknews. He began his career in video game journalism as a freelancer in 2001 for Tendobox.com. Asif is a CPA and was formerly an investment adviser representative. After much success in his own personal investments, he retired from his day job in financial services and is currently focused on new private investments. His favorite PC game of all time is Duke Nukem 3D, and he is an unapologetic fan of most things Nintendo. Asif first frequented the Shack when it was sCary's Shugashack to find all things Quake. When he is not immersed in investments or gaming he is a purveyor of fine electronic music. Asif also has an irrational love of Cleveland sports.