Shacknews LoL

Dear Ghost, consider that your mother was once inside your grandmother's bits, and you were inside those bits, so it's kind of like a turducken with the fist ramming stuffing deep inside you.

You might not, you're married, if I recall. I, however, am not.

Shortly after I started dating my last girlfriend, on one of the first nights she spent the night, we ate at some shitty chain restaurant, I can't remember which. About three in the morning, the colonel's barking out orders to drop the bombs, and he's not taking no for an answer. I have two choices. The first is the master bathroom, where I normally do my business and all my 'tools' are located, which is about 10 feet from my bed. Obviously, that's out of the question, because there is no goddamn way this is going to be pleasant; noise or smell. Option 2 is across the house, with a good distance for the sound and stench to be dissipated. Of course I'm going here. Well, after destroying Nagasaki and surrounding villages, I released the tsunami of freedom. *glug glug glug* Fucking low-flow toilets... Of course this shit holocaust has clogged the damn thing. I flush again, same results. Luckily not backed up enough to flood the damn thing.

At this point, I realize the one plunger I have is back in the master bathroom, across the house, next to this beautiful sleeping angel. No big deal, standard fetch quest, I've done this a million times. I make it to the bedroom and am greeted by a glow from under the bathroom door. Yeah, I must have woken said sleeping angel when I made a mad dash for the latrine. She comes out, being all girl cute and shit, wanting to mess around and all that, but all I can think about is the soldier I left behind. I need to get back there and get that POW out of there! I sate her appetite as quickly as I can, excuse myself, and she watches me. Every. Fucking. Step. I have no choice at this point. I hang my head in shame, saunter in and trudge out with the plunger, her looking on the entire time...I go do battle with the beast, sloshing and splashing, flushing and flushing and flushing, and after 15 minutes, come back with the plunger, out of breath and demoralized, to see her still awake and waiting. "Everything okay?" she says.

Yeah... everything is fucking fantastic...

the only person in the world that can eat Cap'n Crunch safely.

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i hope he shouted YOU DONE, JIVE TURKEY when he stabbed her

No one will see this but I tried.

http://gmd.shackspace.com/buddymovie.jpg

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I got my shoe stolen today, some kids (about 16 years old) bumped into me outside my apartment, I said sorry and after they had got a good distance away they called me a c**t... so I started running after these guys and they started running away from me, and my shoe fell off, so i picked it up and threw it whacking one of the guys in the back with it.

He then picked my shoe up and carried on running, and i was too fat to catch him

I now only have one shoe :(

If the shooter was a real republican he would’ve pulled the ladder up behind him.

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