Shacknews LoL

i'm openly weeping and my wife wants to know what's wrong and I looked at her and just started crying harder.

[deleted]

John --

Thanks for rebooting the web server, things seem to be working fine. Logs are showing we may have some kind of i/o problem, but I'm not exactly sure of the culprit yet. At least the customer is happy and things are working well enough for now. Cheers.

Dave

IF U WERE KILLED TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR FUNERAL CUZ ID B N JAIL 4
KILLIN DA MOTHA FUKER THAT KILLED U!
..._.....____________________, ,
....../ `---___________----_____] = = = = = D
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//
WE TRUE HOMIES
WE RIDE TOGETHER
WE DIE TOGETHER
send this GUN to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how
many times you get this, if you get a 13 your A TRUE HOMIE

Hey guys

I have a serious issue that I need to talk about and it's really time sensitive.

I'm going to have a number of guests over tomorrow, mostly of the male persuasion, and I want to make sure I can show them a good time.

It was around the time when I first started watching porn as a young teenager when I realized I was different. I was amazed at the massive loads the guys shot out of their massive throbbing members, but every time I masturbated, my cum dribbled out slowly. It was the consistency of chunky molasses. After I would orgasm, it would take nearly 10 minutes for it to stop flowing. I thought it would eventually clear itself up, but it has followed me into adulthood.

My urologist diagnosed me with severe semen gelatinitis, a condition where I produce far too much sperm and not enough semen for the little guys to swim around in. This causes my cum to be roughly the consistency of dry grape jelly.

ANYWAYS I'm worried that my guests will be disappointed that i can't blast massive ball-emptying loads all over their faces, especially when I have 5 different bros performing bukkake all over my mine. I'm curious to know just how common this is, and if it's something I need to worry about. Please help me Shacknews, you're my only hope!

I'm imagining a shacker with a tucked in dragon shirt and black shoes on. Slicked back hair into pony tail and samurai sword somehow mounted on his back in some sort of anime way. He enters the bank telling a joke to himself, laughing, everyone is already embarrassed for this guy and feeling awkward. The employees immediately call the police because he has a weapon. In the meantime he strolls up to some poor teller and tells her she has beautiful eyes. She drops her pen as he starts some sort of nerdy mating ritual yoga and stretch poses with his sword out. His shirt is tucked into his underwear.

Oh god

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you're right!

oh, you're supposed to tear them. would you look at that.

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