Shacknews LoL

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http://i.minus.com/iDgcPvW5F7Gnk.jpg

You don't burn that many calories by moving your wrist.

Because you have mono.

The kinkiest thing I ever did with an ex was fix her computer. I was about to leave when she asked if I could help her fix the shower head, too, so I went in there but it was really warm so I took off my shirt. She came in while I was putting the new shower head on and started rubbing my bare back, so I picked up a socket wrench and hit her in the face.

Seriously dude, we get it, you used to date someone, and you probably loved her, and you fucked in crazy places like the shower. Now you don't do any of that, and it sucks ass (pun intended), and you're lonely and you miss her. Well, there are a million other women out there who will let you lick their flower-smelling asshole and they're not as crazy or insane or silly or whatever as your ex, and that's a good thing. And what's more, is that they want you. Your ex doesn't. I think you can make the right choice.

This post is the equivalent of shooting the alarmed car in Left 4 Dead.

http://socksandthecity.net/images/error.png

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They should've thrown in an artist's rendering... http://i2.uploadem.com/08272007/wtf.jpg

I love screwing with call scammers. The majority of the calls I receive are from India, so I learned some hindi curse phrases. Madarchod, benechod, etc.

I just kept this guy on the phone for 15 minutes a little bit ago. His line was that he was "calling you back about your cialis medication". I told him I was looking for something else, M-A-D-A-R-C-H-O-D. Once he had it typed/written out, he understood what was happening, and started yelling at me in a lovely mix of Hindi and English.

While he was doing that, the line would click and I would hear more noise in the background, I figured this was someone checking in to see WTF was going on, so I told him, "you know what? I'll take 6000 of those pills". He fell for my own line.

For the next few minutes, he's trying to get my credit card number and address. I was feeding him a string of random numbers, letters, and words. "1-0-0-0-0-0-k-echo-xylitol-wilkomen", etc. He picked up that I was still screwing with him and started going off about my mother, sister, and so on. At one point, he said something like "yeah, your mother is my mother, so what was her name again? I fucked her last night!"

I pointed out to him what he just said, and he did the most unexpected thing.

"Do you want to hear me beatbox?"

Hell yeah I want to hear you beat box!

He wasn't half bad. Not much beyond half good, but way better than I've ever been able to do. I told him he should be uploading videos to youtube instead of the call scam routine. He started thanking me for the compliment, said it was nice to meet me, and had to hang up the phone now.

Made my day a bit better.