Shacknews LoL

The President of the United States:

https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/881503147168071680

Got NuDoom and wasn't enjoying it much. I didn't like the atmospheric spooky music, it made me creep around and be careful.

Tried playing the quake 2 soundtrack in the background and the game instantly became 5000 times better, and it's a blast! Why didn't they put a banging soundtrack on it to begin with?

Related stupidity: https://twitter.com/MonicaCrowley/status/651043858541879296?s=09

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Your videocard versus The Witcher 3
https://gfycat.com/EquatorialIllfatedJapanesebeetle

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Another story:

Last summer there was this girl I became really good friends with. Having been through some shit, and being a pussy about it all, I placed myself in the friend zone. I never tried to fuck her or even make out with her. One night, we all get rather sauced up. She slept over and was in my bed. Instead of sleeping I start playing with her and trying to undress her while she is sleeping. Eventually I get her panties off, shes still asleep. I start eating her pussy out, find out shes on the rag, still sleeping. I pull her tampon out like the string on a party-popper and toss it down the side of the bed. Something about her being asleep, and me being delirious from not sleeping was giving me a boner of epicness. I stick it in, she wakes up. I literally barely even got one pump in and pull out and spray her completely down with man-mayo. She starts laughing hysterically. We get dressed and go to the senior center up the street for the saturday morning blueberry pancakes and sausages. The lady refused to let me have more than 2 sausages even though it was a buffet. Perhaps she didnt think we were old enough to qualify. Forgetting about the previous nights shenanigans, my friend has a giant cock drawn on the side of her leg with the word -tation. Dick Tation. Never a mention of the event, never hooked up again. Thats how you know you've found a true friend.

I responded:

me: I think you have me confused with someone else because you no showed on our last arrangement that *you* made, friend

her: huh? what arrangements? I mean besides you not even responding to me about my birtday lol, I see no texts

me: you dont remember the email I sent to sales? same conversation you said you wanted to meet that week.

her: well then let me make it up to you in the form of pool and guinness. and no dude that was like 8 months ago lol i just remember that i miss you

me: no shit was 8 months ago. you are an organized person. I had called and left voicemail and a text that day. no wonder I didnt respond to your birthday text.

her: lol i try to be. so does that mean I cant hang out with you?

me: you honestly have no recollection of blowing me off?

her: no really, I must have misunderstood because I dont blow people off without reason