Working late shifts at the Joycone IceCream Cone factory. Unshaven. Breath soaked with vapors from last nights gin bender. Head to toe in denim. Because denim hides stains. And after five years of failure, hiding stains is all you got left. Dip spit on the collar. Mustard on the sleeve. Cum on the zipper.
It was Friday. Or Thursday. I think. Lose track of time when you never see the sun. Spend the nights working the waffle assembly. Fixing jams. Keeping the rollers clean. It was my second break. Went to the locker room to take a shit. Grabbed the employee of the month photo off the wall. It was Colleen. She had big tits and eyes wider apart than a bull. But when you are done taking a shit the only thing left to do is churn butter. And this photo was gonna help me do that.
I rounded the corner towards the back of the men's room where the stalls were. Handicap stall. The first class of bathroom stalls. More than enough room to stretch your legs. I finish up my initial business of taking a shit before I get out Collen's photo. I'll spare you the details besides saying it looked like a serpents tongue and went down streaking. Anyways, the photo. I start churning away, staring at her cleavege, then her eyes, then back at her cleavege. Seemed to do the trick. Right before I was about shoot my wad, the entire floor started to shake. Lights started flickering and all kind of heck was rumbling like the earth was splitting in half. I dropped the photo, and grabbed my pants because I was gonna fall off that toilet if I didn't get my balance. I grabbed the handicap bars and righted myself. The tiled floor cracked right open like a jiffy pop container. Hot air burned my nostrils as I winced through the haze. Before me, lay a fiery pit of molten ash. Rising to meet my gaze stood a figure. Scaly and serpentine, with two horns upon his head. It was the devil. In an instant it became as quieter than you could ever imagine. Time had surely frozen. Until...he spoke. The dark lords lips began to part, his black gaze piercing the veil of my soul. "Do you remember that post you made on the Shack 5 years ago, something about applying to a bunch of places that rejected you and then you left without replying to anyone?" My throat went dry. The great Satan reads the chatty? Trembling I replied "yeah...I think so" Satan paused for a moment, a look of sympathy crossed his face for only an instant after looking me over. "That was a fucking shitty post" he bellowed.