So you've got the munchies, and you're tired of paying full price admission at the theater just to be able to buy some fresh, hot, delicious popcorn, and you want to know how to achieve this wholesome goodness at home.
Here are some little-known facts about popcorn:
1. It is nature's most perfect food
2. It's delicious AND nutritious. I read that on a popcorn container at a drive-in
3. Did you know that if you were stranded on a desert island, you could survive on popcorn alone for up to TWO FULL DAYS???
Q: Great tasting theater-style popcorn at home? Isn't that a myth?
A: NO!!! I once thought that too! But read on!
Q: What about microwave popcorn?
A: You will never touch that blasphemy again!!!
Q: What about health concerns? What about cholesterol and fats and oils?
A: Popcorn cleans your teeth.
Q: Can popcorn improve my sex life?
A: Yes.
OK, but how do I achieve this?
First, you need a Whirley-Pop. It does everything they claim: Tender, crispy, fluffy, theater-style popcorn; the super-heating pops every kernel perfect, every time.
Then, you need popping oil. This makes it taste like it does in finer theaters, showing finer movies. Finally, top it off with salt, seasoning, and topping. You'll NEVER leave home!!!
Canadian readers: Buy the Canadian version here (holy crap that seems expensive).
European readers: You guys put sugar on your popcorn anyway. You wouldn't understand.
Asian readers: 'Sup???
Mexican readers: Tengo una nariz grande como un perro.
Q: When should I add the salt?
A: Good question, and I commend you for it! You should add it to the oil prior to popping.
Q: My popcorn is chewy, not light and crispy.
A: Resist the strong temptation to pop over high heat, like it SAYS IN THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL. PREHEAT on MEDIUM for electric stove, set on MEDIUM for gas. You can wait the extra 30 seconds it takes to pop versus high heat. Jesus.
Q: Can I make kettle corn with this?
A: Yes. But that's gross. Now go away.
Q: I hear coconut oil is bad for you.
A: This is a myth of the liberal media. Besides, the coconut oil linked above only has 12g of saturated fat. You liberals will know what that means.
Q: I did what you said and bought a Whirley-Pop, and I just made some really good popcorn. Just thought I'd tell you.
A: Excellent. Post pics if you have them please.
Q: Thank you SO MUCH for introducing the Whirley-Pop to The Shack!!!!! :O
A: That was Halen, thank him, I merely took it and ran with it in order to steal the limelight
Q: Could you have made this any more stupid for such an important subject?
A: Shut up.
Q: You are awesome, but can I go back to the chatty now?
A: Yes.
