I'm gonna be real with all of you clowns. I don't make enough to support the lavish lifestyle that I put on in my normal Get LPs or Die Tryin blog series. First off, records are super-goddamn expensive and after 17 blogs, I was running out of new LPs and I don't care enough about you people to get poorer for the sake of sharing limited edition wax.
This leads up to today's endeavor: a listicle!
Sometimes, a horse needs to be led to water. Sometimes, people won't read the shit you post online without a clickbait title. Clearly, Hollywood marketing folks feel simiarly sometimes, because we've definately had lots of flicks come down the pipe with titles that may as well have been Facebook quizzes or even worse. With that said, I'm gonna round up all the best movies that have clickbait titles, specifically those that start with the word How. For example: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
5. How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
So, I've never actually seen this movie and I don't know if its good. But, it has a title that caught my eye when searching for movies that started with H. Plus, dragons are cool AF.
4. Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf
Yeah, so maybe this one isn't in the form of a question or even a clickbait title. It does start with How, though. Originally titled Stirba – Werewolf Bitch, this cinematic masterpiece has everything you could want in a movie: werewolves, child werewolves, boobs, battle dwarves, and people needlessly wearing BDSM gear. If only the articles I wrote for this site were as dank as this movie.
3. Def Jam's How to Be a Player
Another marvel of modern cinema, this film taught me everythign I know about how ot deal with women and all the wild shit they will pull on you because large swaths of them are crazy. Bill Bellamy is out there trying his best when he has a dream that he cheated on Lisa Turtle, but it doesn't stop him from trying to spread his seed. Eventually, all the evil women team up on him because they are jealous that they can't outwit a true player.
2. How High
After Redman and Method Man use the ashes of their recently deceased friend Ivory to fertilize their weed, Ivory comes back from the ether to help them get into college. After they get accepted into Harvard, things go haywire until the smoke out of a relic bong that awakens the spirit of Ben Franklin, leading the school chancellor to shitcan the evil Dean who antagonized Redman and Method Man during their semester on campus. This is literally the Citizen Kane of movies where people smoke their friends back to life.
1. How Stella Got Her Groove Back
Angela Bassett is out here tired of riasing her son alone and slips into a funk. She sees no way out of her predicament until she goes to Jamaica and gets boofed out by a super-hot guy that is young enough to be her son. This literally fixes all of her problems. In many ways, this is the least clickbaity of all these movies since it does offer viewers a real solution to whatever problem may be preventing them from re-acquiring their groove. Just book a flight to paradise and let Taye Diggs go to work!
Thanks for stopping by, guys!
