Man, it's July 4th, and CNN just has to post all these unpatriotic stories... Like:

• Study: Women's salaries lag behind men's pay - Awww, couldn't this just wait till after the forth? Or maybe they knew not many people would be hitting the old web site today... Hmmm...
• Court strikes down voter-approved bans on ATM fees - Booo, hisss... I mean, I just LOVE seeing this on my statement when I take out $200: 06/26/2000 1ST NATL BK OF 06/23 WITHDRWL 5501 I-35 AUSTIN TX     $-201.75 06/26/2000 1ST NATL BK OF 06/23 WITHDRWL 5501 I-35 AUSTIN TX FEE $-1.25
• Teachers' union: Extra year of school could help struggling students - Yeah... Help students DROP OUT. Not many people know this, but Steve only made it through the sixth grade, and look how well he's doing. Viva America!
• Firefighters want their California town to reconsider fireworks sales - I guess people don't have the right to blow off their own hand anymore. I bet I know the name of this town... Moscow! Are you with me? Huh?