Shacknews LoL

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Step 4: Setting the Trap
Going back to evolution, ants have evolved as night hunters. Ant colonies remain dormant throughout the day. Any ants you see when the sun is up are just laying pheromones to help direct the colony’s night activity and doing minimal foraging out of opportunity. The absolutely apex of their hunting activity occurs in the middle of the night, which for them generally starts around midnight. Make as little sound as possible and wait until midnight. Now, remember the honey, sugar, bucket, ear plugs, and goggles you bought earlier? Good. Let’s go to work. Unlock the exit(s) to your home and leave the doors slightly ajar. Peek outside and do a quick appraisal of which neighbors live closest to you, and identify the one with the largest ground level window that has line of sight to your home. Keep this in mind. Turn off any lights and open up any blinds in the room where the epicenter resides so that natural light from the outside can come in.

Place the honey containers and sugar around the epicenter and keep the bucket off to the side but within arm’s reach. Carefully open up the first sugar container to avoid unintended spillage and draw a 1x1 foot circle on the newly scrubbed floor. This is your critical reference point. Now, carefully ration the sugar to draw small sugar trails no longer than a foot expanding outwards from the circle in the direction of all the wooden markers. With the bait lines drawn, take a handful of sugar and, with your other hand, sprinkle minute quantities of sugar leading to the wooden markers you placed during the surveillance and planning phase. Now return to the circle. Kneel down so that you are facing the direction of the closest exit to the outside world. With even more care than you opened up the sugar container, open the honey. Whatever you do, do not let any of the honey spill prematurely.

Step 5: Removing the Ants (aka The Point of No Return)
Fill the bucket with the honey – there is no turning back now. Quickly, turn off the final light switch. Kneel in the center of the circle, insert the ear plugs, put on the swimmer’s goggles, and with both hands, dump the bucket of honey over your head. Make sure you get honey all over yourself. Now it’s time to wait for the swarm. Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait long. The sudden burst of honey scents when you filled the bucket have only been magnified by pouring the bucket all over yourself. When the frenzied, ravenous colony floods out from every nook and cranny of your house and swarms over the bait lines like a roiling wave of chitin, do not panic. The fast you endured earlier was designed to lower your blood sugar levels to avoid being eaten alive. Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier, but I didn’t want to weaken your resolve. I trust that by this point, you already see the logic and foresight behind every step of this journey.

Once the weight of the ants covering your body makes it remarkably difficult to move, you must get up before it is too late. Now, run as fast as you can out of the closest exit of your home. You will see the wisdom now in keeping the door ajar. Your honey-slicked, ant covered hands would have just fumbled uselessly with the door knob while you were you were reduced to just a desiccated, skeletal carcass filled with gorged ants. Run across the street to your closest neighbor’s house and, without breaking stride, leap through the glass of their window. Don’t worry, your armor of ants will protect you from suffering any mortal injuries. Now, locate your neighbor’s bedroom. Bet you are glad now that I had you wear those swimmer’s goggles.

It’s late at night, so they are definitely going to be sleeping and completely unprepared for you kicking their bedroom door in. Now, leap on them spread eagle like they are a live hand grenade. But instead of sacrificing yourself, you are now transferring the insatiable hunger of the ants to someone who didn’t go through the rituals I had you follow. Sensing the hapless neighbor’s elevated blood sugar levels from panic, the ants will feast. Thankfully, your hairless body will not unintentionally prevent any of the ants from transferring to their new host. When the vast majority of the swarm has transformed the bed into a bloody buffet of thrashing meat and muscle, go take a shower in the closest bathroom. The residue inside the non-ritually cleansed shower will confuse any remaining ants and they will either get flushed down the drain or wander aimlessly snapping at the smells of fruity soaps and conditioners. Having no hair sure made getting the ants off of you easy, didn’t it? Now towel off, go home, and laugh your exhausted body to sleep as you imagine the ant queen dying painfully and alone from starvation. Unfortunately, if the queen is already pregnant, you will have to repeat this process in about 3 weeks. Good luck my friend.

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MULTI KILL http://www.shackpics.com/viewer.x?file=Ohshiii_n6q3h8x5iucrypakhd5t.jpg

lmao
http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/NBCSports/Components/Slideshows-NBC_sports/_production/ss-100207-sb/ss-100207-sb-21.ss_full.jpg

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Last night we had some humor in the old household. My wife is sick and is laying in bed. Her dad had gotten her a new iTouch this weekend and she was checking it out. She yells at me to come in there and I was like fffuuuuuuuuuuu i've already fetched her juice, Advil & dinner, wtf now. but I go in there and she's looking at Safari and she goes, "If I hit this button (the back arrow button on Safari) it goes to the page that was last looked at, right?" and I'm like "well, yeah..." and she hits it and up pops these 2 fucking HOT lesbians intertwined. haha and she looks at me and I look at her and I instinctively go, "IT WASNT ME hahahah" and she's laughing. She goes, "check this out" and hits the back button once more and it goes to Google and it's searching for "LESBIAN PORN" lolol. Holyshit.

Now, we've raised our kids very well, except for me occasionally yelling FUUUCK! and GODDAMMIT KIDS!, and they make good grades and all that. However, it's natural that boys who are 13 are going to wank and spank and look at naked chicks. I understand that and thank god she did too last night. She said, "I guess that's why he was in the bathroom for 45 minutes" ahah jesus.

So anyway, we're studying later for his spelling test and I'm quizzing him on his words, I get to the final word and he spells it correctly. Then I go, "Ok, spell LESBIAN" and he looks at me like he just shit his pants. I don't miss a beat - I say, "LESBIAN" ...... lol and he kinda squirms a little so I go L E S B I A N. Then I told him what every good Father should tell their son about surfing for hot naked chicks on mom's itouch... CLEAR THE FUCKING CACHE, DUDE!

Holy shit I just got Costanza'd.

I felt drowsy, so I slipped under my desk for a 20 min nap. I woke up ten min later to the sound of a senior manager's voice, asking if I was around. Now he's hanging out talking to my teammates about random shit while I'm stuck under here fully awake. :(

he's like the canary in the sex mine.

i thought maybe i wouldnt receive a loss if i pulled the plug